Numb

The pain came and went in small waves. Some stronger then others. Until finally I was limp. I couldn't feel my body. It was no longer attached. It was no longer a piece of me. But my mind still wandered. I focused on on the beating of my heart. Growing shallower, and slower with each thump. Finally, I though Its almost over. The pain will soon be gone.

Suddenly, I felt like I was flying. But it was my body that moved. I felt something sharp prick me, and suddenly my body was back. The pain was back. I could feel my body being poked at from two different angles. My heart jumped and its small weak thump started accelerating. It became more of a flutter then a thump. This scared me. I was prepared to die to that peaceful, not to mention painless thumping of my heart. Not this. This was a totally different path then the one I had planned. It was not helpful at all. So death wasn't a good feeling. Hm. Well at least it will all be over soon. When the blood realizes its not getting the oxygen it craves it will stop flowing. Then I know the pain will be gone. Because, nothing will be of me anymore. Just a corps. A lost girl who had no other way out.

There was finally a light. If I could have laughed I would have. I never imagined there would actually be a light to heaven- or hell. Which ever. I didn't even believed that either existed. Maybe I should have went to church more often. That might have made this a little easier, It would have prepared me a little for the unknown. The dead.

As the light grew stronger I found myself getting more and more eager to reach it. I could make out a face. God? The Devil? How does one know? It appeared as though he was shining a light at me. A flash light of some sort? Was that the affect of the light. Was this unknown creature really just some guy with a flashlight. No real light to him. This angered me. I was expecting some guy with a light inside himself. A light of his own that I desperately craved and searched for in myself throughout my dark years.

Now I wanted answers. But more things were coming into view. Another face. What the hell is this?, my thoughts were so vivid it sounded as though I spoke them aloud. My body twisted in pain. My muscles were screaming. I tried with everything I had to scream. But I couldn't hear a noise. I searched frantically until I found the flutter of my heart. It was slowing. Oddly enough that calmed me. I didn't know death could take so long. Maybe I should have just shot myself. That might have sped up the process.

"Cammie. Cammie, can you hear me?" I heard a male voice asking me. Was it coming from the guy with light? I couldn't tell. I tried to speak. To tell him I could hear him. But I couldn't find my voice. Great, I thought. I should have learned sign-language after all. Maybe that way I could have at least communicated with this, thing. Then again I don't know if I can move my body. Sure I can feel it. But the pain, is too much. I don't want to risk hurting more then I have to.

I felt like there were a million strings attached to my body. Pulling the pain out as each one let go. The pain was finally erased from my body. My heart continued to flutter rapidly. I heard my name being called and immediately my eyes snapped open.